When this assignment was given to us the very first thing that came to my mind was the stories told to me by my grandfather. Currently 90+ years old he has witnessed many big events during his lifetime. I can remember almost every story that he has told me right from my childhood till now. I feel that one of the reasons why I remember most of his stories is that I always listened to him with a clear mind and a deep interest in what he was saying at that moment. Sometimes I couldn't understand what he was saying about so I would ask questions like please explain in detail, or give me an example etc. He would be very happy when I would ask him questions and share my feelings with him. It happened once that while he was telling me a story I got a phone call from my friend and I left. When I returned he didn't talk to me properly, I easily figured out the problem and said sorry to him. This incident taught me one important thing that if a person doesn't have interest in what the speaker is saying then the speaker also loses interest and thinks of the speech as a burden. One more incident that comes to mind is that one day my grandfather started telling me a story and I had an exam next day. I didn't want to say no to him but I was more concerned about my exam. I agreed to listen to the story but I wanted it to finish quickly so I kept on asking weird questions that weren't related to the story and I didn't listen properly. I can't remember even a single word what he told me that day. This is what happens when a person is just focused on asking questions and has no interest in the speaker.
Generally whenever I listen to people I use the words like 'really!', 'I didn't know that', 'How did you feel?' etc. This not only shows my enthusiasm but the speaker also tends to explain the topic in detail and with more interest. I pretty much use the AMPP for listening.
I think one of the most interesting concepts that branch off from your post is the issue of respect for the one you're talking to, and its impact on your listening effort.
ReplyDeleteLittle kids, if you can get them settled down and not distracted, are amazing listeners (and in my opinion, that's part of what makes them such fast learners). I think that part of this is due to the fact that kids really revere the ones who are trying to teach them! They respect the one who's talking, and thus listen carefully to every word they say. This is in contrast to, say, a teenager who is pretty sure the world revolves around him. Personally, I'm very aware of the fact that I listen much more carefully to a professor than I do one of my peers at a given moment.
What you brought up with mutual interest is also a great point. When I've been in any "teaching" situations, I've always been much more eager to teach when the people I'm teaching are excited to learn.
I agree that interest in the topic is very important and I would bring up sincerity. You were right when you said that the speaker loses interest in what they are saying but "really" and "I didn't know that" come off as shallow responses and any speaker will pick up on that. I understand your point. You want the speaker to continue so you can listen and that is sometimes what counts.
ReplyDeleteLosing interest when one is speaking tends to happen a lot in lectures, when only one person is speaking, as opposed to a conversation in which both people speak. Being aware of how you feel and how the speaker feels about the subject is a very important attribute of emotional intelligence that can greatly help one listen and not be distracted.
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you were able to identify problems in your relationships from conversations. That is a skill that is good to have. Maybe a suggestion though is that honesty may have been a better way to get out of the story that you didn't have time for. With all his life experience I'm sure your grandfather would understand you needing to study for a test.
ReplyDeleteYou emphasized a good point. When one doesn't show his or her interest, another person feels it and doesn't want to speak on the topic anymore. I had the same problem with my friend. There were many moments when he disturbed me or started talking on another topic. Only because of this I don't want to be close to him anymore. He shows disrespect. So, as you stated, showing interest is an important part of not only listening, but the whole conversation.
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